Blame
by ILoveLilies13
Summary: A one-shot continuing last weeks Casualty episode Black Alert. Ethan is exhausted, sick with worry and he needs to stop drinking those energy drinks before they make him ill.


**Just a little one shot continuing last weeks episode, Black Alert. Enjoy!**

Ethan stood frozen in shock. He was overwhelmed with sadness and guilt so much that it felt like it was crushing him and the weight of worry on his shoulders had become too much all of a sudden. Sadly he pulled the sheet back over the poor man and stepped back before taking off his glasses and sighing. He wiped his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose as he thought. If only he'd made sure the man went to reception, or taken him to the psychologist, or just ignored Mrs Beauchamp and finished talking to him, made sure he didn't feel like he was inconveniencing anyone enough to get help. Even if he was lectured for it at least he would have saved a life and that was his job after all, helping and curing.

His eyes were bleary from exhaustion as well as the lack of his glasses but as he looked up when someone entered the room there was no mistaking it was lily with her dark hair, concerned look and powerful walk.

"Ethan, go home. You're exhausted and have clearly had a difficult day." Lily said as she noticed the tear tracks of Ethan's face.

"I'll go home when my shift has finished like everyone else." Ethan said firmly as he returned the glasses to his face.

"But Ethan." Lily began but was cut off.

"He came to me this morning." Ethan sniffed. "He was suffering with depression and was considering suicide. His wife and child died a year ago tomorrow and I guess he really wanted to be with them again to the extent he couldn't wait any longer, not even for a year."

"Oh Ethan, you must go home." Lily said sadly and almost pleadingly.

Ethan just sadly smiled at her and left the room to continue to attend to the never ending stream of patients.

It was six o'clock in the evening but being winter, the sky had already said goodnight to the sun and it was slowly turning darker and darker. Ethan stood in the cold watching his breath materialise in the air like soft curls of smoke. He cracked open another energy drink but as he brought it to his lips Cal appeared by his side and raised his eyebrows making Ethan slam the drink in the bin in frustration.

"Woah, are you okay nibbles?" Cal asked nervously.

"Yes, i'm fine!" Ethan said angrily as he had done all day to everyone that asked.

"Did you even get any sleep last night?"

"4 hours I think? I was thinking about what happened to Olivia." Ethan said as he pulled the sleeves of his jumper over his hands to keep them warm from the biting cold.

"Ethan, you have to stop blaming yourself for that! Her file was practically empty, nobody suspected anything was wrong and it's not your fault. It's nobody's fault but if anybody is getting the blame it's Nikki for doing such a terrible thing." Cal tried to reassure his brother. "You have to stop blaming yourself." he repeated.

Ethan stood in silence thinking with his forehead knotted in worry. Just two more hours and he'd be finished with a day off to sleep off the worries that were trapped in his head. He'd been so caught up in his thoughts recently he didn't even consider if Cal was okay, after all he was still sad about loosing Matilda. Just as Ethan went to open his mouth to apologise to his brother he suddenly felt so weak. His head spun and his eyes drooped as his limbs relaxed and his knees buckled. He fell towards the ground only just being caught by Cal who jumped forwards when he saw his brother swaying over.

"Can I get some help please!" Cal called out as frantically looked out for someone, anyone.

Lofty came running over from the tent set up outside to see Ethan on the ground and nodded at Cal before turning back for help. Zoe took a deep breath from her cigarette and blew out the smoke, relived to have finally come on a break. She looked up from her shoes though the wispy smoke to see lofty running towards her. She sighed and dropped her cigarette to the ground, stepping on it roughly to put it out.

"Ethan's collapsed." Lofty said breathlessly and Zoe sprung back into Doctor mode, ready to help.

"Get a trolly, quick as you can." She said then walked as quickly as she could over the two brothers in her heels.

"Cal?" she asked as she appeared by his side to see Ethan on the floor, pale and unconscious.

Cal looked up anxiously. "His pulse is though the roof." he said as he held his fingers against the cold skin of his brothers neck. Zoe awkwardly leant down in her dress and placed her stethoscope on his chest, shocked to hear the thudding heartbeat. Lofty and Max appeared with a trolly and together they lifted him onto it, trying to ignore the shocked stares from passing people.

"There's a space just become free in resus." Rita told them with a worried look as they sped though the reception.

"Right what have we got?" Mrs Beauchamp asked as she watched Cal, Lofty, Max and Zoe push in the trolly.

"Ethan Hardy." Zoe said making Connie quickly jump into action, her heels clicking loudly as she walked over to the bed.

"He's "tachycardic with a pulse of 120 and his blood pressure is very low." Cal said anxiously as he watched the monitor.

Ethan's eyes flickered open and he squinted in the bright lights to see he was surrounded by people including Cal.

"Ethan, how many energy drinks have you had today?" Connie asked remembering seeing him though out the day quickly drinking them before attending to patients in the corridors.

"6 I think, maybe more. I didn't want to take the day off when we're so busy but i'm so tired." Ethan managed to mumble as his eyes still adjusted to the lights and his head ached.

Connie nodded and looked up at everyone with a hand to her head, thinking of a possible diagnosis. "Well the exhaustion, stress and low blood pressure most likely caused the faint and those energy drinks wouldn't have done him any good. That many of them has probably caused dehydration which has effected his heart rate and his blood pressure."

Cal looked at Connie impressed at the quick thinking before looking back at his brother sadly. He looked so ill and tired and he wished he'd a least tried to make him go home and rest.

"Let's get him on some saline and let him rest. Monitor his vitals every 20 minutes." Connie set instructions for Lofty before pulling off her gloves and leaving. Cal sat down next to Ethan's bed and watched him sleep as the monitor reassuringly beeped in the background. He needed to tell him about their mum but how was he supposed to when he was under this much stress? He kept blaming himself for everything that has happened recently even if it wasn't his fault and although he'd always done that, just recently it was like he was seriously doubting himself.

"Are they going to be okay?" Max asked Zoe as she left resus.

"I hope so." She said with a small smile as she looked into Max's sad eyes.


End file.
